MONEY.

It's 11:19. Sleep calls, and so does my unpacked lunch for myself and Bella to be made. I should be doing that, or dishes, or anything else productive but sometimes, I just need to write.

So write I do.

I used to think the older you got the more simple life became (due to getting past hurtles and moving on). It seemed logical to me. Now, not so much. I have learned that the Bible is right in saying not to worry about tomorrow, for today has enough trouble of its own. Planning is good, worrying, not so much. I have never what one would call a "worrier" no, not in the true sense of the word. As of late, though, I have been letting things worry my finite mind and unfortunately what weighs me down pulls those closest to me with them. I feel like I am going through professional identity crisis, only I don't really care so much about the identity part, just about the making money to contribute part. Money money MONEY. I don't care what anyone says, money matters. Not that it's the most important thing, just that it is actually important. We are called to be good stewards, and I believe that to be true of everything, money included.

So. My crisis comes because I can no longer choose just any profession I please to make money. I must keep my full time job as a Mom and Wife in the primary slot but still need a job that can give income year round to help pay off pesky loans and save for rainy days. This leads us to not so much what I should do but HOW can I do this? I was inspired to try my hand at writing articles but I am not so hot at that (yet). I am trying focus groups, which I love actually. I do not mind work, I enjoy it usually, I just would like a "niche" if you will, a corner of the professional world that belongs to me that I can do without limiting my #1 passions.

Well, anywho, so whenever I am kind of in a rut it's hard for me to keep things straight around the house because I already feel defeated before I begin. Sorry that sounds so depressing, but really I just am enough of a perfectionist that if I am failing at one thing it taints everything else. Now if you actually have been around for the past couple months you could clearly see we have been CRAZY blessed with everything I have ever wanted. Strong marriage, beautiful baby, cute house, promotions for Kyle so I could stay home with Bella (most of the time). I mean, really, there is nothing to complain about what.so.ever.

But then...there is just that nagging inside. I just want to pull my own weight financially, ya know? Be a team player. Maybe it's just because Kyle is working SO hard at his job and on a Master's Degree and side jobs that I feel like I need to even out the scale a bit, but honestly I just want to be out of debt, pronto! I hate owing anyone anything.

I will be praying for God to fulfill our needs and passions simultaneously.