Change is in the air

Walking outside today is the only way I know to express the sensation in our little family right now. A change is in the air. Just like the weather, it has not completely given way to Fall but you can tell it's coming. Life is like that for us right now.

Kyle has three weeks...err, 18 days til he is FINISHED with grad school and will officially be a Master of Information Systems!!! This change is quite welcome because it has be a stressful thing to have to work full time, help me with Bella, and still find time to do school most days. Words cannot express how incredibly proud I am of him for making such a sacrifice for us so that he can support us financially and allow me to be a stayathomeworkparttimebecauseilovemyjob Mom. Aside from all that, though, as we have learned from graduating with a Bachelor's degree, the scary part is ahead...will that little piece of paper equal earning more money than what it cost to attain that education? I think so, but "in this economy" you just can't guarantee it. However, I choose to ignore the economy issue and focus on what really matters- putting faith in God that he will open whatever doors he sees fit. He has always provided for us in miraculous ways and I don't see why that would change now.

As for me I am fortunate enough to still have my position as a preschool teacher at SWC Preschool. It is my favorite thing (workwise) and I love that the Lord has blessed me with wonderful people to work with and that I learn so much from by just being in the same space. There is just nothing like seeing a child's eyes light up because you taught them something new or fun. For those of you wondering my sweet child is just down the hall in the nursery and is completely happy being there because the ladies take SUCH good care of her. I couldn't ask for a better situation for us both.

Being at the preschool has led me to many thoughts on what to do next year, however, because Bella will be 2 (really...does this not shock anyone else but me??? I cannot possibly fathom being a mother of a two year old in less than a year) when May rolls around. That means if I stay at my job, which I would love to do, then we have to choose whether to put her in the "Two's" class for Tues/Thurs or leave her in nursery all three days. Now for most people I'm sure this is not that hard of a decision but I have thought long and hard about it because to put her in a class means making her (almost) the very youngest in the whole class and waiting til next year she would be the oldest. Since we share the exact same birthday (awesome) I know first hand what it is like to be the oldest in a group of kids. Sometimes its great...sometimes not so much. You feel like you don't belong pretty frequently. But I don't know what being the youngest is like...probably challenging. But then if you have been around Bella lately she certainly is not daunted by a challenge. lol. So for now I think I am leaning towards letting her try the 2's class, just for fun because they do a lot of cute and fun projects that I know she would love and it would give us an idea of how she handles being the youngest in a group.

Bella.

What to say? She has grown so much. She already is in size 6 shoe! She is saying so many words and phrases. She loves learning. Reading books is ALWAYS on the daily list of things we do because many days (like this morning) while I am still lying in bed relaxing she goes in her room and brings multiple books for me to read to her while she sits in my lap all cozy. She has the best laugh in the world and a smile that floods my heart with joy every time I see it. Our favorite game with her right now is when she says "RUNnnnn" and she runs away and we chase after her all over the house. So.stinkin.cute. the way she runs with her arms above her head and a big grin on her sweet face. Her vocabulary is growing faster than I can keep up but some of her latest favorite things to say are her friends names: "Lucy" "Emmy" "Bowen" and she tries to say Gracie and Caleb but those are harder. The cutest thing she says right now is when she lifts up her arms and gives the wide eyed stare while saying "Hold YOU??" ...meaning she wants YOU to hold HER but she just repeats what I say when I ask "do you want me to hold you?" It melts my heart. I cannot even describe how much I love hearing her say it.

She likes shapes right now. She is pretty good with Circle, Square, Rectangle and Diamond and Heart. She pointed to my shorts this morning (which have little white hearts on them) and said "Heart" and pointed to her chest and said "beat beat, beat beat"...which I taught her a few weeks ago but I swear this girl doesn't forget a thing.

MONEY.

It's 11:19. Sleep calls, and so does my unpacked lunch for myself and Bella to be made. I should be doing that, or dishes, or anything else productive but sometimes, I just need to write.

So write I do.

I used to think the older you got the more simple life became (due to getting past hurtles and moving on). It seemed logical to me. Now, not so much. I have learned that the Bible is right in saying not to worry about tomorrow, for today has enough trouble of its own. Planning is good, worrying, not so much. I have never what one would call a "worrier" no, not in the true sense of the word. As of late, though, I have been letting things worry my finite mind and unfortunately what weighs me down pulls those closest to me with them. I feel like I am going through professional identity crisis, only I don't really care so much about the identity part, just about the making money to contribute part. Money money MONEY. I don't care what anyone says, money matters. Not that it's the most important thing, just that it is actually important. We are called to be good stewards, and I believe that to be true of everything, money included.

So. My crisis comes because I can no longer choose just any profession I please to make money. I must keep my full time job as a Mom and Wife in the primary slot but still need a job that can give income year round to help pay off pesky loans and save for rainy days. This leads us to not so much what I should do but HOW can I do this? I was inspired to try my hand at writing articles but I am not so hot at that (yet). I am trying focus groups, which I love actually. I do not mind work, I enjoy it usually, I just would like a "niche" if you will, a corner of the professional world that belongs to me that I can do without limiting my #1 passions.

Well, anywho, so whenever I am kind of in a rut it's hard for me to keep things straight around the house because I already feel defeated before I begin. Sorry that sounds so depressing, but really I just am enough of a perfectionist that if I am failing at one thing it taints everything else. Now if you actually have been around for the past couple months you could clearly see we have been CRAZY blessed with everything I have ever wanted. Strong marriage, beautiful baby, cute house, promotions for Kyle so I could stay home with Bella (most of the time). I mean, really, there is nothing to complain about what.so.ever.

But then...there is just that nagging inside. I just want to pull my own weight financially, ya know? Be a team player. Maybe it's just because Kyle is working SO hard at his job and on a Master's Degree and side jobs that I feel like I need to even out the scale a bit, but honestly I just want to be out of debt, pronto! I hate owing anyone anything.

I will be praying for God to fulfill our needs and passions simultaneously.