Like with this job, if Kyle hadn't decided a year ago to go get his Master's, he wouldn't be getting this job and if he hadn't been in the middle of his getting his degree he probably wouldn't be in a level 3 position right now, and if he wasn't level 3 he would be getting a pay decrease and we would start paying for health insurance at the end of this week because his contracting company happened to get booted out by the end of December.
Also, with this new job we can afford for me to stay home next year and take care of the new baby. I can't tell you how much this means to me. I think it's quite possibly the most important thing in the world to get to spend that one on one time at home, as much as I love my job at the preschool, I am a Wife and Mother first.
On that note, being a Mother is very rewarding but very hard emotionally. I used to marvel at how parents were surprised when their children changed from one day to the next...I thought, surely they knew this was coming, right? Kids don't stay little forever, they have to change some time. But now I have become one of those parents. Isabella decided this week that she does not want my help any more when it comes to meal time, even messy, hard to eat foods like yogurt. I recognize in my mind that she needs to go through this stage, that I have to cheer for her as she becomes more independent but on the inside, I cry. Okay, and on the outside too. I know this means she is one step closer to bigger changes and I am so proud, but so scared because I want to freeze time. Freeze her silly phrases of "oh boy" and "I SEE you!!" and her excitement when she sees her Daddy, and the WAY that she says "Daddy" with such love and fun and innocence. Freeze her big, blue eyes and the way that she can hold my full attention just by looking at me with so much love. I need to capture every second in my heart and keep it there forever. Remember how this weekend when she opened her presents she loved every second of it. She said "oh! I LIKE it!" as she discovered her first puzzles and her eyes glowed when she got her very own baby stroller and it just was so wonderful to watch her eyes light up and say "WOW" when her Aunt Rachael set up her own little lady bug house to play in. I think more than anything though, I love watching her learn about Jesus. Just the small things like having a nativity scene and she gets so excited over baby Jesus, and the "wangel" and Mary and Joseph and the little farm animals. I love that when I sit in line at Starbucks I envision future years where she can learn the real fun is in giving, not receiving...I dream of her heart bursting to make someone else's Christmas full and beautiful. While she sleeps, I dream.
I dream for our unborn Baby, too. I wonder if it will be a boy or girl. What kind of personality and heart it will have. I wonder at how Bella will change when she has someone to look after. I hope that they are the best of friends. That they will encourage and help each other through life, and that at the end of the day, no matter what has happened, that they know in their hearts they will always stand by each other and be glad they have a forever friend. I look forward to relishing the baby days again...of marking the "firsts" for our new child, being careful to not let Bella feel left out.
There is so much in the world that a person can wish for but really, this Christmas, I have nothing left to wish for.
