Keep an open mind

This Monday morning finds me in a very wondering way. There are so many things that are just a matter of perspective, and how you are willing to change your mindset to fit a given perspective, that alter your life forever. This morning I am wondering why I have the perspectives that I do, and once I get to the root of that...then I wonder if the perspective I have is correct or in need of some tweaking. I suspect the latter. I will try not to get too deep into it but I find that the longer I am a Mother, the more I love it. That seems to be true for most ppl but the thing I wonder is, why do I have the boundaries that I do around being a mother? Like, how many children do I want to have seems to pop in my head quite frequently and I can't really come to a good answer. I love having just one, precious baby to dote on but every day I realize how fast she grows and that even though I love her and am proud of her each time she reaches a different milestone how much I can't fathom never getting to experience the previous stages again...which leads me to believe that I certainly do want another...but then what? What about after the second? And why does there need to be such a determined number? Now of course I immediately shift from nostalgia to memories of nausea because my pregnancy with Bella was anything but pleasant the majority of the time (not to mention gaining WAY too much weight than was necessary...oh, and the lovely c-section recovery time...) but, ASIDE from all that drama, children are such a blessing, I would argue the very biggest blessing, aside from a wonderful spouse, and why would we limit that? Finances, space, car capacities? These all are very real obstacles in the long run if you are a family like the Duggars and you happen to have 20ish kids running around but somehow they manage...and by somehow I mean God provides for them in abundance. They are not unhappy in their marriage, their children, while sheltered are still better behaved than the average 2.5 kid household and they seem to really understand the importance of things that MATTER instead of fighting over who gets to play Nintendo next. I really don't know what all of this means or if I have just been reading too many blogs about how wonderful life is with many little ones under foot but I guess what I want is not necessarily the size of the family so much as the size of the faith those families have. They trust God completely. I would like to say that I do but I don't think it's fair to say that when I am scared to death to grow out of our cute little 3 bedroom house and have to move. Logically, I know that it would not be that big of a deal, but truthfully it makes my heart ache to think of such a big change. Well, one more thing to pray about...time is slipping away and I must shower before that one child of mine awakes :)